If you saw Time’s Blog Index, in which one of the world’s most traditional magazines tries to demonstrate that it understands the internet, you already know this, but wow, they have a few things to learn about the internet.

Most importantly, Time needs to figure out that people who read blogs don’t consider blogs overwhelmingly stupid, or they wouldn’t read them, so it’s not necessary to issue periodic reminders that you are smart enough to know that blogs are stupid and you don’t really take them seriously. All of the following observations can be found in a piece that is allegedly about good blogs:

  • “Lifehacker [is] one of the few truly — gasp — useful blogs on the net.” Now, I love Lifehacker. Lifehacker is a terrific blog. But there’s nothing “gasp” about a blog being useful. Being entertained is useful. Hearing stories told by people you’d otherwise have no way to hear from is useful. It’s like they didn’t think it was enough to say Lifehacker was useful; it was important to make the point that blogs are not useful, that they are slumming by reviewing them, and that they don’t really expect you to respect what any of these blogs are doing, except in relative terms.
  • “The typical blog is written by one person wearing sweatpants reclaimed from the hamper.” Oh my God, seriously? Are there still people who think this, or who think it’s relevant? Is there someone who believes that sitting in an office in a tie has ever been good for creative content? Are there still people who think that there’s something about going into a big steel and glass building and attending meetings between trips to Starbucks that makes you more creative, innovative, serious, or worthwhile? That is insane. That is the opposite of true. I think we’ve outgrown sweatpants as a critique of what anyone contributes to the culture. Shame on them; this ossified cheap shot never should have made it past any editor who’s gone outside since 2002.
  • “The blogosphere is overloaded with folks that write about pretty much whatever pops into their head at the keyboard.” In addition to the fact that I don’t think we’re saying “blogosphere” anymore if we ever were, you know what else is overloaded with people who want to write about whatever pops into their heads? (And yes, “they” have “heads,” and not one head, not that a blog would ever correct a print publication.) Book publishing. Book publishing is full of people who want to write whatever is in their heads, and as with blogs, if you don’t want to read it, you don’t have to. Vanity and navel-gazing were not invented in the 1990s, for God’s sake.
  • In praising Gawker: “The formula has proven so adaptable that Denton’s Gawker Media now comprises more than a dozen blogs, each with its own area of meanness (Defamer-LA; Wonkette-Washington D.C., Valleywag-Silicon Valley .)” Aside from the folly of praising the vapid Gawker when it’s one of the weakest in the Gawker Media family and isn’t nearly as interesting as its close celebrity-gossip cousin Defamer, do you suppose Time is unaware that Consumerist and Lifehacker, both mentioned elsewhere in this list and both having nothing to do with gossip or meanness, are both Gawker Media blogs, and that this versatility might be more relevant to a discussion of the empire than rattling off other cities with dumb-ass gossip blogs?
  • “BoingBoing is the rare blog that delivers exactly what its customers want.” Yes, blogs are terrible at serving their own customers. That’s why the format is going nowhere. No traffic. Who reads blogs when they never deliver what you want?

There are other questions — is “the decline of Western civilization” really the best punchline they could think of when attacking a target as broad as LOLcats? Do they not understand that there are problems with referring to the name of the Ars Technica blog as “fruity”?

I’m all in favor of print media embracing the internet and trying to guide hesitant readers to great sites — God knows OldTWoP got plenty of traffic as the result of being named on various “Great Sites” lists, including ones that came from Time. I read Time. I like Time. But if you’re going to cover blogs, you cannot do it while holding your nose, trying to simultaneously be of the internet and above it.

This is really the way I feel about pop culture as well — pop culture and the internet are intersecting but separate topics, but “old media” tends to react the same way to both. If there’s coverage, it’s rarely fully engaged, because there’s such intense fear that it will make you seem unserious. That caring about television will make you less serious about politics or music. That caring about the internet means you don’t read. So you wind up with these weird, backhanded-compliment pieces that amount to, “Well, that’s not bad, for the internet.” “That’s not bad, for a TV show.” I’ll tell you what — Lifehacker would stand up against any consumer magazine for sheer helpfulness. The Best Week Ever blog would stand up against any entertainment magazine for both newsy content and the pleasure of consumption.

Any publication that’s not prepared to acknowledge that online writers, as a group, have nothing to apologize for shouldn’t really be trying to review internet sites, because frankly, it suggests that you don’t get it.